Thoughts within my head are often dire when memories arrive,

To think of Vietnam is difficult in whole but I’m grateful to be alive,

Drafted while still a teen with a deferment seems unfair as I see,

If only I had known the IQ test would stampede recruiters to me,

My intelligence score was the highest score ever for Panhandle men,

Lower scores would allow staying home for manager training to begin,

At first I was proud to have done well and the attention I received,

As time moved on I learned each recruiter meant to have deceived,

I was deserted by everyone I loved, a sad and troubling fact by far,

No memory of a reason to be loved by those I love and I was no star,

If only one soul I knew had written me I would have responded in full,

Perhaps I need to evaluate myself in full to determine if I acted a fool,

Something I must have done turned love away from me to another,

Thirteen younger brothers and sisters failed to write as did my mother,

The girl I love never answered my letters or even send a greeting card,

I queried myself numerous times to find out why I was treated so hard,

I had tried desperately hard to please those I liked or loved in my heart,

Tears will again fall to the ground tonight as I fight totally falling apart,

Drafted and soon to depart for basic training then off to recon school,

The girl I love is going with a guy and it appears I am but a lovesick fool,

To be honest my heart is broken yet I must forgive her or be totally unfair,

Too many friends died in Vietnam leaving a girl after dying over there,

I wouldn’t burden her with such although I love her with all my heart,

Am I too soft as a man perhaps and should I be firmer from the start?

Blessings did come my way after my second trip home from the service,

We kissed, she and I, I forgave all past events although I am nervous,

I had orders for Vietnam in hand so I didn’t tell her that I loved her so,

Shipped overseas without letters from home or wherever I happen to go,

For over a year I have not received any mail when I’ve gone to the P.O.

A nickname of “no mail Pat” hung on me in fun but it truly hurt me so,

I wrote letters to brothers, sisters, mother, but most of all twice to her,

Her being Patti who I loved so very much but I only told my father,

I wrote the letter of death to all I love as a policy of the Navy Department,

The longest letter I wrote to Patti apologizing for words in letters I sent,

I must be of a weak character since no one has answered a letter,

Perhaps Patti returned to her boyfriends arms because he was better,

I accept my failings as a man and I pray I will grow inside if I survive,

Soon I’ll be discharged and the shrinks think her love of me is not alive,

I’m sure they are correct but at last I am going home to everyone today,

No one met me at the airport so this weak man will have to walk the way,

I cried outside her house upon my arrival home in the early morning AM.

My ride home was an angel of mercy who said with hope you may win,

He spoke of her and I truly think he felt within me every ounce I pained,

I am weak for her no doubt, I would give years away if her love remained.

The end

In desperation one day I searched for my photograph of you,

The draft called my name but there was nothing I could do,

For over two years I’d been loving you although from far away,

My dream of you loving me will have to wait for another day,

Allowed but toiletries, a shirt and slacks there wasn’t much to pack,

Although I hoped and prayed I wasn’t sure that I would be back,

One thing I’d bring no matter what was my photograph of you,

It’s the one thing that I had to have since my loving you was true,

Angry at myself for being so careless with such precious gold,

At last I found your beautiful photograph it was now in my hold,

An anxious tear fell away as I kissed my mother and family bye,

Perhaps it’s best you weren’t there to see as I would surely cry,

I’d dreamed of you every night since I had moved so far away,

The war was raging so my exemption lost its value on draft day,

Oh how I wanted to hold you when you came by the club last week,

But as usual when it came to you my smooth mouth couldn’t speak,

That photograph would be my link to everything I loved back home,

As I boarded the bus I saw your car drive by, if only you had known,

My words of loving you were words of truth each time I said it to you,

You thought my words were flirting words that for sure were not true,

It broke my heart to go away leaving you here to play and have fun,

But deep within my heart it would be unfair to expect life of a nun,

So filled with fear you’d find another love I feared it more than death,

With my photograph of you I had started a letter for my dying breath,

Each morning of boot camp found me tracing my finger on your face,

I’d pray for you with all of my heart as my finger made it’s final trace,

Your mother didn’t allow us to date because I had four years more age,

It was so strange that upon my return she changed rules at that stage,

You refused a date with your boyfriend to visit Amarillo with me,

At last I could be with you and gave you a Sailor hat we wear at sea,

Navy rules said do not to give away the hats or prepare for a penalty,

It was worth any risk to give it when you said return and I will be free,

That night I held your picture as love raced through my veins all night,

It was on that very night that I realized dreams of loving you were right,

I would return to you in two short months after completing my school,

Answered prayers allowed us to date and I became a love sick fool,

The greatest kiss of my lifetime came upon my second day back,

Our first kiss gave my life the reason to fight huge odds in a stack,

But this time my kiss goodbye could truly be the kiss known as last,

Upon leaving new orders of riverboat gunner meant my fate was cast,

My first day on board with trigger in hand gunfire came at my head,

Hesitance to return fire by a rookie may have caused men to be dead,

I was a frozen rookie that day and it now plays over inside my head,

With your photo near my heart I didn’t pray for love but peace instead,

Most of the dead were teenagers drafted away from the life they knew,

War is a horrible thing that people of politics should fight the war too,

I was a rare animal in Vietnam to be a sailor wearing olive drab attire,

With jock itch assaulting me my crotch, toes, and chest were on fire,

Unbearable heat mixed with high humidity made cooling off a hard task,

Misery was boots filled with mud and rocks along with a broken flask,

I stunk so bad I truly feared you would smell me and never again touch,

Pot didn’t help to calm my nerves anymore perhaps I smoked too much,

At this point I’m lonely, oh so very lonely from isolation in my life,

One thing I don’t have to worry about is a dear John from my wife,

I chose not to have deep romance while serving the draft during war,

Yet I’m so deeply in love with her and I know she is all I am living for,

Her photograph is dear to my heart as are the strands of her hair,

The tender part of me misses her horribly, I worry for her back there,

But as a soldier I’m scared to death with bombs and napalm in the air,

As a man I am about as low as low can fall it seems I’m in death’s stare,

Last night I held her picture to my chest as if we were in tight embrace,

My mind took me far away to a small Texas town and my favorite place,

I have a favored place back home just like all of us lonely dreamers do,

If only you could understand that when I say I’m in love with you it’s true,

I’ve told your photograph many times of plans to make you my wife,

Somehow I think you love me and I pray to survive this war’s strife,

Your beautiful face is on my mind for more time than it really should,

As I lay in the creature infested mud I think of kissing you if I only could,

Orders came just yesterday to depart from this hell for a Navy school,

I’ll be trained in various ways and I’m to learn every survival rule,

Six weeks is all it took for my orders to leave this place of Marine’s hell,

The Marines are a patriotic group trained to fight as if under a spell,

I will always hold special my time with that tremendous group of men,

We often transported Marines destined for combat soon to begin,

They seemed invincible those young men yet I know that’s not true,

Each time combat came to be those patriotic men always lost a few,

Training and school was very hard now my orders send me away,

I pray for you with all of my heart as I remember our kiss that day,

Your photograph has been my constant companion and link to you,

I’m scared to death if truth be known, can I do as I’m ordered to do,

My orders came as a surprise to me but I shouldn’t be surprised,

I’ve been ordered to report to a top secret Navy base to be utilized,

My hands, my legs, and my mind are now strong beyond my norm,

To be honest I no longer recognize my new body of chiseled form,

Time seems to drag on yet at times it is beyond the speed of light,

I’ve been across Europe and beyond to help America keep her might,

Your photograph has been stored in a secret place of my very own,

My precious treasure is what your photograph means to me if known,

It’s the only thing I treasure that’s of value in my heart and mind,

Many times I’ve been alone in a country ordered to search and find,

As insane as it sounds I’ve retrieved your photo for a tender kiss,

I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes upon you please remember this,

Sleeping on the ground hidden away behind timber and debris,

I remove the foil wrapped photo of you from the rear of yes, me,

I hold you tenderly close to pray happiness for you of which I plea,

My heart longs for you as my eyes cry for you and I fear we won’t be,

The things I’ve done have hardened who I am or who I was once,

Dreams I had a year ago now seem an eternity since it was once,

When I returned home as promised you were nowhere to be found,

In three short weeks I had to return surrounded by death all around,

Oh Lord I silently prayed, please let me feel her love once more,

My life, my every breath is hers externally as she is what I live for,

To her I surrendered my heart in a kiss brought by fate’s love guidance,

In a waltz of lovers bond we became one under a love spell dance,

Unknown to her I vowed my soul to her as a kiss lifted us to heaven,

A first day in paradise and I prayed for love to fill the remaining eleven,

My greatest memories of my life were those days spent with you,

I survived Vietnam twice and recon duties across the globe too,

Your photograph became more dear with each hardship and day,

Each danger I survived brought me closer to you in a special way,

You were you for those days of uninhibited truth of the real you,

My heart exploded with deep love that moved into my soul too,

It had been over a year since I held you in my ever so lonely arms,

I feel those twelve days last with you saved me from all that harms,

My precious bit of gold is that photograph although it’s showing wear,

Two trips to Nam on temp duty have put gray into my jet black hair,

I’m nearly spent as a man by jumping behind the line too many times,

Our primary duty on this German base is to watch enemy swines,

Your photo just spent almost a month alone with me back home,

I’m in shock at your absence since I promised to return, I’m so alone,

I held your photo dearly as I slept on the plane returning me here,

AWOL since my request to attend my nephews funeral didn’t clear,

I served four days, was demoted, and new orders troubled my mind,

Eerie feelings of true fear came over me making courage hard to find,

Depression has filled my soul as I’m in great fear you now love another,

I didn’t receive any letters from you or my family, not even my mother,

Tears are now a sad part of my routine as my heart is amiss with a miss,

I’m more weak child than warrior as I was in desperate need of your kiss,

Desperate prayers fell from my lips chased by teardrops to the ground,

“No mail Pat” has been hung on me as a gag but to me it’s a sad sound,

I prayed that I be spared more duty with parachutes, guns, and such,

Maybe I’d break my back or get shot, I wanted to leave so very much,

I wrote two letters to you of which you never replied, it hurt me so deep,

Every time I vowed my love, sincerity flowed with truth, I now weep,

Before I packed my things I wrote my final words to be given to you,

Should I perish I want you to know no other man could love you like I do,

I’ve held your picture every night to touch your beautiful angel face,

I tell of my numerous idiosyncrasies such as how your face I trace,

Truly I am so very sorry for scaring you away with the words I wrote,

A fool does foolish things and dearest Patti I fear I am a sinking boat,

Please attend my funeral service if you receive this letter from my Dad,

I wrote poems about you as you are the only beautiful inspiration I had,

Your photo is gold to me, I keep it deep inside me, it was a secret untold,

It’s so dear to me that I want to be buried with your photo in my hold,

I fear my new assignment for numerous reasons if only you knew,

It’s a repeat of one some time ago, it’s against the rules to do two,

Recon is dangerous if outed on duty, a chase can occur and I’m off,

To be offed is to die, or “I’m off” is to run being chased don’t scoff,

Plus I’m worn and don’t feel right perhaps your picture to view,

Was released from the brig and there’s things I still need to do,

I’m sneaking through this time so I’m relieved there’s not a jump,

Never liked it and never will but departure is 05:00 when I’m a grump,

Every wrong has befallen me as if I’ve been gifted times that are bad,

A change in schedule found me packing a chute and leaving what I had,

It’s a fairly odd thing to have happen and something made me wonder,

Impossible to explain but not right in my mind, as subtle as thunder,

The chase came just as I feared and I wonder was I the cause,

I’m exhausted from running for hours I wish I could press pause,

My photo had moved because I passed gas forcing it to move,

Panic has filled my every pore so I need to regroup and to remove,

The enemy has me now and I fear I’ll spend my remaining life far away,

Siberia has been overheard but why I’m still alive is for what I didn’t say,

To tell all you know will remove your head or have a bullet go through,

Their thinking is that I will reveal all after freezing temps turn me blue,

The beatings are extremely severe as I can hardly move a limb,

Your photograph is safe and secure hidden in the wall behind trim,

Every day I’ve been beaten until I pass out in a mercy gift from God,

Passing out is a defense mechanism although it sounds a bit odd,

Slowly I crawled through the feces, blood, and urine to bring you out,

You are so beautiful on my day three of torture and what tortures about,

During interrogation I found out the true date and I’m totally blown away,

Seven days have gone by not the two or three a dorky nut would say,

Both of my nuts are extremely swollen so maybe we won’t have children,

It’s not a choice if made sterile by beating from the enemy’s countrymen,

Yet I would prefer that I decide instead of a ball bat butcher of a man,

It’s in the AM of another day and I study your image every moment I can,

If that photograph could speak it would tell a story of bitter woe,

Yet from loving you are the best memories a man could ever know,

As I laid in the shit made of my feces, blood, urine, and tears I’ve cried,

I realize I must forgive all I know and have seen or our love will be denied,

The beautiful photograph has traveled Eastern European countries solo,

Inside my rectum you’ve rode safely from all that harms as you often go,

A constant treasure of love or my personal golden treasure of my heart,

I love you Patti and I must survive so I can regroup my life for us to start,

Three long weeks of abuse so extreme but enough restraint that I live,

A perfect balance trained into brutal minds but to recover I must forgive,

A prisoner named Mike and myself crossed the bridge at the same time,

Barely able to drag my beaten frame across I’m evidence of a war crime,

Your photograph was in my sock when I dressed to depart that place,

Every major joint had been dislocated and I wore a blue black face,

Swollen beyond recognition I knew my return could be denied unless,

Someone I know will likely be along to verify I was the swollen mess,

A wire scrub brush was pushed into my rectum after sodomy occurred,

To be raped is crippling in itself without insult of wire having incurred,

My rectum so damaged I couldn’t store the photograph in its place,

So I hoped they wouldn’t check and luckily they didn’t look anyplace,

The main thing I remember in the ambulance was the smell of clean,

My head on a pillow so fresh and clean countering the filthy lean,

The IV for dehydration proved too much as cardiac arrest came to be,

Dilution of my blood chemistry was unexpected when treating me,

As the nurses ripped the filthy clothing from my frame I cried aloud,

“My socks, my socks, oh please do…n’t take…my socks” to a crowd,

The volume of my voice gradually tapered down as drugs took hold,

Fearing death I prayed while fading as I cried about my photo of gold,

I left my body and saw you below in angelic slumber and I then knew,

My body had died but to continue our love being denied would be true,

Something grabbed both feet and pulled me down into me once more,

I remember waking days later bandaged all over my blood and gore,

My eyes had swollen closed so tight with blood in flow I was a sight,

I woke unable to see but realized the bandages weren’t allowing light,

Asking for help an orderly quickly came to explain ten days of sleep,

Doctors came and bandage removal was next but I begin to weep,

I asked “where is my picture of Patti?” and I heard excitement in a voice,

A nurse found your photograph of an angel and made a sweet choice,

Remembering your cries she checked your socks and put it in a frame,

A name that wasn’t guessed was Patti when guessing an angel’s name,

They gave it to me so it would be the first thing I’d see if I could still see,

I felt the bandages stick and pull as light became visible slowly to me,

Then a blurred you appeared in front of me more beautiful than before,

With her own money she kindly had the photograph restored and more,

It was the greatest joy I would know because of what the photo knew,

Two trips to Vietnam, parachute jumps, and trips behind the wall too,

If Patti had indeed found love without me there I would wish her well,

She carried me through so much unknown to her, I’d been through hell,

I was three months hospitalized before an honorable discharge came,

I packed the photograph I had retrieved from a folder with my name,

Stalker had been placed on me by shrinks thinking they knew me well,

The crazy part is they passed judgement on me by what I would tell,

No letters from her proved my relationship was one sided every way,

They took my precious photo from me but I got it back on the last day,

Trained to sneak around I used tactics taught by them to get it back,

Protestors were everywhere but as I left I had my treasure in my pack,

Food and crap thrown at me by protestors hurt, they were once a friend,

No family picked me up when I flew home nor ride would anyone lend,

Weak and weary I’d have to hitch hike my way home although fifty miles,

Walking for a bit I was given a ride my an angel farmer wearing smiles,

How can a photograph mean so much when everything else has failed,

It is where the heart is or where the man’s heart is when he is entailed,

My greatest joy in life is to look at her and realize I am special to know,

To know her and have her smile in my presence makes my spirit glow,

As I entered his old pickup I pulled your photograph from my pack,

Not the refurbished reprint but the worn photograph I had got back,

I showed him your photo and told him how and where we had been,

He stopped by your house as I slept without knowing the address then,

At four A.M. I had returned alive guided by you and the things you’d do,

Once before I escaped captivity crawling in sewers and thinking of you,

Saved by a family who found a photo in passed out me’s pants that day,

I love you Patti, you saved me so often unknown to you that I have to say,

Thank you.

A birthday wish I made has become real for me it’s true,

On my birthday long ago I wished I could be with you,

A dream come true is what you are I am happy to say,

I’m here today to bring my love to you on your birthday,

My love is stronger than Superman’s if he was real,

So strong is my love it’s guarded by flesh and steel,,

If I could fly I’d take you as high and as far as I could,

To a magic land of love where I’d build a hut of wood,

You’re beautiful to me as you have always been,

If I could I would start anew and our life re-begin,

Happiness comes from loving you throughout life,

Happy Birthday! Let’s celebrate the birth of my wife.

The end. By Pat for Patti

There was once a rose bud stud that loved to button dance,

What you say is a button dance is it an Irish dance by chance,

It’s not the dance that comes to mind but tongue dance of joy,

This dance when done correct requires a pretty girl and a boy,

I’ll give you a kiss upon your lips at any place of your desire,

A tongue such as mine is a dancing tongue to set your soul afire,

I do declare look at you, your button appears as a red rose bud,

As I study your beauty and all you are I feel a fire boiling my blood,

It’s coming now it truly is, the fever that sets me ready to dance,

I’ve kissed you everywhere but mostly there see my rigid lance,

My tongues in dance upon a button that’s changing how it’s made,

The button has become the bud of a rose in a beautiful red shade,

Perhaps now dear lady you understand my name of rose bud stud,

Your rose has opened its beautiful petals the color of true red blood,

Petals of red in perfect form with a rose bud awaiting my manly love,

The fluid of my loins will fertilize you now with the fluid I am made of.

The end. By Pat for Patti

Last night she came to me as if she traveled through my dream,

This angel came near to fulfill my every desire even if extreme,

So softly she let down with wings spread wide to capture the air,

A smile traced her lips of red that seemed to say “I truly do care”,

My heart leapt from my chest as my eyes surveyed her every part,

The small sway of her hips in motion awakened more than my heart,

Emotions flowed from deep within as I was overtaken by her grace,

Perhaps she is of royalty this angel that came from a heavenly place,

She has awakened my anatomy to embrace and absorb her essence,

I must confess that I lust for her when I am blessed by her presence,

Each time she comes near I am excited to such extreme of a little boy,

I am childlike when she comes near to me as if my mind is of a toy,

I am man, I have strength along with endurance most don’t know,

I survived what many can’t, I returned to her love from war long ago,

Her love I sought so desperately as I am the man sent to love her,

She is loved for eternity by a man dedicated to her, my love I offer,

I have carried a torrid passionate love for her for over fifty years,

If only she could understand how loving so deeply also carries fears,

Yet I will allow flames to scorch my flesh if protecting her demands,

She is inspiration for my soul and heart, and I love just holding hands.

The end. For Patti by Pat. I love you my gorgeous angel!

The embrace of life comes in the form of a lover’s hold,

Vicious words and spit were given by protestor’s bold,

They were righteous within the boundaries of their mind,

Cowardice ways of a few somehow guiding masses of blind,

Kind words were needed to free my broken soul of the chains,

Words or greetings of welcome never came so war pain remains,

Stains of death have found a courier in form of a battered few,

Kind words of healing were forever gone, we are now a lost crew,

My dreams of future love with the girl of my dreams were gone,

No matter how hard I tried to follow through I couldn’t move on,

My poor heart rained teardrops creating an anguish river in flow,

Residing within my heart the love for her rose with no place to go,

Freely I spoke of my love for it was worthy of my every breathe,

Truly she was worthy of every love-bit I could offer before death,

I cried out at night when tremors of frightful dreams brought fear,

Overwrought with worry of her as a loss to my heart, I wept a tear,

Following said tear came a torrid desire to touch her breast if once,

For she is the lingering pain within my heart, or I am but a dunce,

Too blind or unaware to see the reality of my draft tragedy in full,

War is not enough I ask aloud of the night while tears create a pool,

For a man has endured enough if perishing at war is his final act,

But to lose the one he has worshiped, now gone with a final extract,

Please my sweet angel, I beg that you take care in my absence of you,

I’ve given instructions of my final letters of love to you and what to do,

Since age eighteen I’ve had but one life goal of fulfilling my love dream,

You, my beautiful teenage girl so womanly in form you make me beam,

For four years and since day one I announced my love and my desire,

Since a miracle became a vision of you I have carried love like a fire,

My chest pounded excessively hard while in our first lover’s embrace,

Your breasts against my chest absorbing wild beats as if in a chase,

No man deserving so little has been given so much if only in that kiss,

Too your fingertips gently caressing my face with tenderness I will miss,

My flesh is yours, the oxygen carriage of blood is given freely too,

I am yours, I’ve made a vow of love for life written in rhyme to you,

This and so much more is written in my will of soldier’s last words,

Angel I pray that if my words must be read I hope for singing birds,

You beam beautifully when birds are with song to fill the day’s air,

I will stand proudly at your side although no one can see me there,

A flag draped casket will be all that remains of the man you knew,

Perhaps it was best my letters never touched the lovely hand of you,

Love’s flame would have taken hold to increase your broken heart,

Perhaps prayers will save my life and only death can tear us apart,

I truly believe I will marry you and of course you’ll marry this man,

Somehow, someway, someday, we will unite as soon as we can,

Below verses written on 09/01/2018

Those verses overhead were written in nineteen sixty and nine,

For fifty three years I’ve felt your angelic kiss that is now Devine,

In desperate times you’ve held me tight to halt a growing tear,

My love has grown each day or should I say it as year after year,

I speak of my love for you as it is worthy of my every breath,

Truly you are worthy of every bit of love I can offer before death,

I sometimes cry out at night as frightening dreams of war appear,

And if overwrought with worry of losing you, I may weep a tear,

The embrace of life has come in the form of my lover’s hold,

Words and spit from protesters are no longer for me I’m told,

The boundaries of haters have changed and many are now dead,

You and I now dwell where love exists with joyous times instead,

Your hold is what I live for, your kiss and to kiss your full breast,

I’ve loved you for so very long, perhaps at last you believe the rest,

I have never lied of my love for you, even when I began loving you,

I love you more each and every day, for loving you is what I do.

The end