You don’t know the anguish a few words can mean if from you,

Sharing dark skies and starlight removes what I’ve been through,

Only you know what makes me feel right when seeing is obscure,

Now there’s a line across everything I see or a blank in sight for sure,

I saw blood drops upon the blanket of pure white snow to contrast,

A candle’s fire contradicted the cold of midnight that came too fast,

Looking for a certain man that had his finger quick upon the trigger,

In a jump long ago my back grounded me as my knee swelled fast,

There’s a dry creek covered in ice hiding my trainee’s mistake,

I look around in fear as I seek my drop sight that’s a natural lake,

Dizziness has taken control of the contrast that controls me now,

I must hide my chute and build a hidden shelter of pain somehow,

Had he been thorough he’d have known it was a dry creek at best,

Unless there is a severe storm or thawing there’s no water to crest,

Creeks are a source for water and fish along with attracting game,

I’ve been here before in search of things that are much the same,

Singing a song of you I wonder where you are and why I’m so blue,

It’s only a day past my last drive in a dream as I search Main for you,

My chute across branches that hung in despair create a pocket of air,

I know you don’t know this but I have a shrine built for you in there,  

I’ve driven Main a hundred times without sleep while living in this hell,

Ending it now I’d be where, but in hell for real, as far as I can tell,

But I believe in you and the many times your eyes said I love you Pat,

Patti you’re my life no matter where I am, I pray you’ll remember that,

Pray I’ll come home by choice and not shipped with honor guards near,

Don’t be afraid if you’re lonely as I am lonely too until you are here,

I see eggs of a small bird along with its nest that smashed under me,

Irony breaks my heart as I think of these as scrambled eggs of three,

As a meal the destruction is non eventful in our mind unless we think,

The birds of yellow I’ve seen before as I washed my face in the sink,

A window ledge was home for two pair of yellows so I knew the egg,

For almost a year I watched the pair of pairs so they were easy to peg,

What has happened to us as I look at a broken branch caused by me,

It’s not a lot but damage caused by man without care shouldn’t be,

On a greater scale I see the blood drops of red in contrast to snow,

It’s a beautiful red I think as I start to draw your silhouette real slow,

Red on white, red on white, I wish I had more extra blood left in me,

It’s a song or melody I wrote as I wrote this rhyme for my angel to see,

And I crawl into my igloo I’ve built as falling snow covers your beauty,

I have an opportunity to heal and I must do so to complete my duty,

I’m blessed please know, I get to cuddle with you in an igloo of snow,

For a few days this blizzard will roar and my knee will heal but slow,

And I will dream of you gathered in a ball with me for a few days,

The flow of red has ceased or slowed and I pray that way it stays,

Red on white, a heart that bled, birds that died, food wasted too,

It’s sad and wonderful because I get to spend my time holding you,

My treasured gold within my hold is but a photograph I hold so near,

Although never said your eyes from a photo will say, “I love you Pat”

And into the white snow will fall my lonely tear.  

The end, by Pat for Patti

I love you.

Will I leave this life in a blaze of glory or quietly slip away?

I prefer to quietly pass on with you near if I have my way,

To look into your eyes and remember when I was still young,

The memories of a first kiss and the taste of your tongue,

A heavenly kiss becomes a treasure when soldiers leave,

Words escape too quickly to explain, I pray you do believe,

Things were so different in nineteen sixty eight it’s true,

Burning like a comet across the sky I was on fire for you,

You were gold and a treasure created by His Hand no doubt,

And I of the strongest steel processed to be triple A stout,

Never intended to go to war I was a protestor of war after all,

Because of loving you I chose to accept my military draft call,

After war’s torment and a deteriorating of steel I came home,

If not for you I would not have survived, I would be all alone,

Like a raging warrior of one I stood tall when needed in the fray,

For you I entered the fray of ten to save my treasure that day,

In a blaze of love’s glory for her I soared like a missile locked in,

Time seized to be for a moment or two then I heard you again,

I felt no ribs break or fingers snap until I knew you were okay,

Brother Steve joined the conflict without concern one other day,

There is no better way to exit the fray than a family victory high,

Like two diamonds in the rough we cut through time’s dark sky,

Exuberance only known of Kings was shared in victory that night,

When our loves are endangered there’s no hesitation to fight,

Launched by our father’s courage and our mother’s foresight,

In minutes with our angels safe we ended the assailant’s fight,

That was thirty years ago and I wonder how many more came,

I once knocked a classmate out when he spoke your name,

Lust and sex came from his mouth as if I would enjoy his word,

To say you want to xxxx a man’s wife so loud everyone heard,

Is an invitation to imagine it unconscious for awhile you filthy man,

Say it again and again I will hit you in the face as hard as I can,

The past twenty years I’ve been spent fighting diseases and more,

Actually it’s been much more but I’d rather discuss heaven’s door,

From heaven she must have come as I’ve seen her from there,

Her beauty is beyond any woman and I’ve been most everywhere,

Perhaps it is she that came from heaven like a blaze from above,

I’ve closed my eyes and imagined her flying down filled with love,

Gift wrapped in the black of sky with diamonds sparking through,

There is no other way to package true love if sent from heaven too,

Imagine the beauty of such brought from a beautiful angel to you,

So much love escapes her heart it bursts forth and it shines through,

Love rips from my chest unable to be contained as she comes near,

There is no woman more beautiful than her I still see enough clear,

Imagine what seems a container in the field all alone but sparkling,

Escaping starlight and reflected gold along with diamonds twinkling,

Her heart is bountiful of love for me to such extreme it’s hard to see,

Next to her is a vessel of me filled with love of the highest degree.

The end, by Pat.  For you Patti.  I love you.

From the morning breeze came the rustle of grass coming in union,

The reuniting of molecules separated at the base now in reunion,

I listen attentively to a soft gust of moist air to hear a hidden word,

For separation I close my eyes that I may leave false hope to be heard,

I feel the rise of my cheek bones as a small smile comes to my face,

To hear you from far away Texas in a whispered word to this place,

May be an exclusion from sanity yet I take my chances to hear you,

Isn’t there a moment in time when you’ve said my name to the blue,

Surely but for a second in the least, you’ve remembered a moment,

And whispered my name into the Texas wind to reach this torment,

I close my eyes to change this situation of decline ever so slightly,

Needing but a clue I imagine a letter in my pocket from you to me,

I’ve opened the letter a hundred times or more to read reassurance,

As I open the flap the wind whispers my name with each occurrence,

To hear your words clearly a slight breeze in darkness must come by,

Miracles of love have a clarity of sparkling diamonds in the night sky,

Is desperation laced in the winds in hopes Texas presents you to me,

Oh how desperately I need but a whisper as war returns me to reality,

And I will continue to pray, how did I come to be so lonely and afraid,

I’ve a pain unknown to me that rips my heart from where it was made,

The letter of the imagined necessity is gone to the reality of time,

I wonder now to myself was there a time when you were truly mine,

Cast a sigh or whisper of love to the air that I may somehow hear,

How can it be that I believe my request is heard as if you are near,

The insanity of loneliness created by time apart in desperate times,

Has played upon my mind yet I cling to you as presented in rhymes,

Perhaps if unheard I will see you reflected by the stars or the moon,

To see your beauty even a vision would come not a moment too soon,

I am low, I am so lonely I fear scars will block all emotion before long,

Today’s morning air is full of a foreign odor telling me I don’t belong,

Death is in the air and I must clear my head to see clearly or surely die,

I am the eyes or ‘mystic’ as they call my skill to see the enemy up high,

Someday I will come home if the mental link is there pray not prone,

Whisper love into the air and send love in the wind to end my alone,

I have felt it you know, I have, pockets of air warm with love of you,

Have you, please have you thought of me in the past month or two,  

I return to Texas in a month for leave that I may tell you of my love,

Will you know the killer I’ve become with skills that nightmares are of,

I’ve a IV line for my soul impossible to see but carried in the wind,

A new enemy is upon me as I fear I’ve lost fear, it’s needed to defend,

I’ve a new hunger not known until the past month or so that’s within,

Emptiness so grand it’s void the limitations of time and space I’m in,

In danger’s plight I stood in a pocket of warm air in hopes to feel,

As darkness pushes light to the edge I wonder has love lost appeal,

Orders came to return canceling leave until summer, please be home,

To return mid May I knew school would end me being so very alone,

Deep inside lies an anvil heavily chained of steel to my scarred heart,

I pray to touch your fingertips as a touch will cease my falling apart,

All things precious to me have failed me it seems but the Texas wind,

Whisper true into the warming air of spring with love for me to send,

I’ve heard my name whispered in the breeze far less than I did before,

My mind is a wasteland of images I must discard, images I so abhor,

Have you taken your love away from the man that loves you so?

The end must come when I’m in a place that isn’t the fray I know,

One last time breathe deep into the panhandle air to make it of you,

Release a whisper into the Texas breeze filled with a memory or two,

I’m not insane or perhaps insanity masks the reality of my state,

Van Gogh was in a dimension of escape that perhaps I can relate,

Upon my return I must find you or the anvil shall escape to the sea,

No longer am I ‘strapping’ there is a hundred years of death in me,

I lift myself up exploring your photo with my fingertips in flow,

Capturing your essence requires touch upon the face I love so,

I swear I feel your precious flesh and hear your throat giggle,

I’m a nicer man than me of past but I still love your breast’s jiggle,

A million miles away from you in times continuum is a space for you,

The energy of love never dies surviving everything it goes through,

I will frolic in the vastness of emotions from all those that loved you,

In the vastness of space is a vast space of my intense love in blue,

My heart’s in position to be broken it’s true as my outlook is blue,

I’m sorry of my disposition it doesn’t fit being in love with only you,

Whisper into the wind my name or am I no longer held in such esteem,

I’ve cried the tears of endearment to become loneliness of extreme,

Voluminous tears have flowed as I’ve slept in absence of sensation,

In a dream came hope of sunshine but soon I felt love minus elation,

Love can exist as a whisper kept secretly wrapped away for one,

Fear has just enveloped my frame with a sensation I’ve come undone,

Tears are in flow to such extreme dehydration is a possible threat,

For you sweet angel I rejoice in happiness that our eyes first met,

I’ve cried so much the lump in my throat will no doubt forever remain,

By falling in love I allowed myself to be broken in pieces filled of pain,

The trip home in July found you gone now I fear you’re forever gone,

There is nothing to help me with this impossible journey I am on,

It is the ultimate test of my will that will require my best to survive,

During a long ago kiss of goodbye I made a promise to return alive,

I’m beaten, I’m blue of heart and broken blue, dislocated and numb,

Knowing something but never revealing keeps me alive so I’m dumb,

The word is improperly used I know yet it’s how they’ve described me,

I’m now a wandering soul in the night sky high above the earth’s sea,

I am detached it seems as my heart feels hollow yet a flame burns,

Today I retrieved your photo from my lower organ to satisfy yearns,

I’m maimed, naked, without underwear but I’ve overstretched socks,

In filth I reside to the lowest degree with nothing clean but cell locks,

It’s sacred to me, your photo, I licked it clean of the feces and blood,

A tear fell as I was so upset with myself for allowing dirt or even mud,

Halt, I heard a whisper in the night unheard since I left Vietnam’s hell,

Blow slight, please, night breeze, that is how I hear her voice so well,  

Without drink I’m void tears as my eyes scrape across dried blood,

I’ve been beaten so often each inch of skin contains brand of the stud,

Oh dear sweet Patti my heart contains no blood to move if I have love,

Whisper into warm Texas air to send love I’m in desperate need of,

Have you given thought of me today for I must whisper in shame,

Morning skies brought rain as my tormentors sodomized my frame,

Pray forgive me as I said your name and they’ve beaten me for more,

Blood has filled the floor and your photo left where you were in store,

I’ve cleaned you my beautiful angel but I fear I can take no more,

No moisture came to clean your photo so I used my urine on the floor,

I licked you clean as best I could but I’m hallucinating even more,

The wind howls your name and is telling me to get off the floor,

If possible I will otherwise the floor isn’t that bad anymore for me,

An angel is approaching to lead me to heaven as I’ve prayed heavily,

The angel is you, how did you find me and are you taking me home?

I’ve always told you the truth, I love you, since we met I’ve known,

From the filth of this cell beauty is found and seems to ignite air,

Please I beg, please say you’re taking me home, please take me there,

Whisper tender in my ear and warm your nose in my ear as you’ve done,

Just one small whisper of love, please tell me again that I’m the one,

I hear your whisper in my ear as blood loss takes my vision away,

Though I see black I feel your tenderness cleanse away the decay,

Maggots have kept clean my wounds although pain won’t go away,

I bleed each time urine escapes and since being raped yesterday,

I know you aren’t here but please continue to be my hallucination,

They said Siberia with my name so I won’t be returning to our nation,

Keep whispering your sweetness into my ear and allow its saturation,

Envelop me complete with love when I was privileged to know elation,

The only word I’ve really understood is “Dog” so I’m left to conclude,

Forgive me but they must fuck their dogs, I don’t mean to be crude,

The elder non rapist has taken to give me vodka and a forehead kiss,

Each morning he brings a drink or two and it seems slightly amiss,

His only words have been “drink” and “guud-high” without the b,

Chances to escape came but I’d have to kill the only one nice to me,

I’m a mess, I know, perhaps it’s good the lack of blood took my vision,

I hear your soft giggle so perhaps you’re real instead of hallucination,

Whispers are coming from the wind now even while you’re here,

Sunrise has surprised my eyes as vision has returned, even clear,

My last memories of the night were your presence inside my cell,

The blast of cold water woke my senses as they hold me since I fell,

“Warm” the rapist yells and threatens with a gun saying “no word,”

I know the drill you fat ass rapist, I’m not stupid, your threat is heard,

No longer am I strong as dislocation took what strength remained,

Perhaps I’m of the fortunate as I saw a one legged man he maimed,

I still have a weapon I’m thinking to him, “it will soon be used on you,”

When things change there’s reasons, orders of release must be through,

You need me alive and well so my turn is to come, give me a moment,

“Rapist!” “Dick lover!”  Yeah come running at me I want to vent,

Men still hold me to stand and one is the man supplying drinks to me,

To them the sodomist is disgusting, I can tell the others aren’t happy,

Keep coming at me you ass….I head butted him so hard he was out,

If there is ever a moment of redemption this is what it’s about,

The vodka supplying man is a sly one as he starts speaking in English,

I’m happy I never said anything bad to him as he is granting my wish,

“You’re to be released when you can walk as you must appear well,”

“He will be charged with sodomy which is a bad crime and I will tell,”

They dressed me and the clothing felt good, then I thought of you,

I’d hidden your photo in the wall for safety, I didn’t think it through,

“I like my old cell if okay” then jerked free to make way to that cell,

Without their support I had no muscle strength and I suddenly fell,

Most laughed aloud as I crawled to find your picture in the wall,

Entering the cell I find the floor clean but I’m now covered overall,

I dragged myself through filth to get here and when silence came,

I whispered words of love to you and tenderly whispered your name,

A whisper of love is all I need but someday I will shout it out loud,

I pray you are there to hear but if I return in pine please know I’m proud,

My father no doubt will whisper my name and say the box is for you,

A whisper can carry so much if allowed for the message to come through,

I’ve a poem inside explaining my love with a long lost letter too,

Perhaps your mother is why I never heard anything from you,

I never stopped loving you for a moment no matter how grim or bad,

A whisper in the wind could be me calling your name if that’s not too sad,

If you love another that’s okay but know I would have stolen you away,

Perhaps I’m still whispering your name in the moonlight at the end of day,

If so I will return to you as promised and soon I’ll whisper love to you,

I feel, In truth I feel, you’re still waiting for my service to be through,

Whisper soft into the Texas air my name and exhale your essence to me,

As the wind carries particle of you I feel your ability to find me will be,

These fifteen long months have passed and I’m free to come home to you,

Psychiatric doctors have created doubt in my battered mind I hope not true,

I will whisper nightly into the breeze from but five miles away,

Never will I stop whispering love to you if you don’t come my way,

I believe so much in you and that we were born of each other in love,

We were destined to love the other whispering love to whom we dream of,

A whisper is all that is needed so please whisper words into the air,

You know I will be coming home because I promised to be there,

I am frail of body but my heart beats strong of love for you its true,

I whisper now of my love, I pray my whisper of love came through.

Whisper, I love you, a soft whisper will do. The end.

By Pat for Patti.  Written from my heart for you in 1969

Recovered and modified in 2016

Across the hills composed of years and rivers flowing of love,

Is a place of solace and love that you and I have dreamed of,

Sparkles come from diamonds, polished gems, and your eyes,

Nothing has the glistening sparkles as your eyes in night skies,

I’ve struggled to say beyond what words allow to describe a touch,

Particles of delight ignite my molecular structure, atoms and such,

What words can describe such sensations that enkindle me inside,

How can I explain the laws of unconditional love to which we abide,

Bring to me your love and blind my eyes yet I will know your touch,

My heart is bound of you and yours of me how can I describe such,

I’ve reached into the river of flowing love long ago and found your,

Beyond a sentence having every word of love with more to procure,

Each thing of beauty I see draws my heart much closer to your love,

You’re the girl with long flowing dark hair and hazel eyes I dream of,

In a long ago city unknown to most my heart opened wide for you,

It’s a long hard road we’ve driven softened by love’s beautiful hue,

I’ve seen every color in every hue much more clearly touching you,

Lavender flowers set against a hillside bring thoughts of love true,

Love as a thought is empty and just a word until entry of your form,

Our spiritual love borne of touch grew exceptionally beyond norm,

A beautiful picture of you provided courage to fight when I had none,

I traced through more than one photo before the violence was done,

Touch by absentia got me through desperate days when I was alone,

That’s how I got through those days when my future was unknown,

How can it be said true of my heart unless every word known is used,

That question has been asked of me and each time I appear confused,

My appearance and inability to say is because of limitations of speech,

So it shall be ‘to capture our seasoned love in words is beyond reach,’

With the touch of fingertips a night world of kaleidoscope stars appear,

In a vessel of love we kiss as it sails across glass seas with skies clear,

We wade to shore on an island beautifully laden with flowers of nature,

The joys we share are impossible to describe without verbal departure,

Kiss upon the lips of an angel and pray she responds the same,

Fifty years ago I kissed the lips of an angel true that took my name,

That’s how it is I must say there’s no one line to describe such love,

It is the stars, heaven, children’s joy and her, that our love is made of.

The end, by Pat.  Written especially for Patti, my lifelong love

So often I’ve thought of you for hours just to pass the time,

It seems each time my heart wants to burst out in a love rhyme,

Last night I looked upon a star brighter than any star I’ve seen,

It reminded me of your eyes so crystal clear yet with hazel sheen,

I watched the star until morning blue drowned the bright out,

With the brightness of day an angel arose bringing joy about,

To see the wonders of my morning angel I’d sacrifice weeks,

How can it be that with a smile her heart and soul speaks,

A kaleidoscope of color erupts with spring’s colors galore,

Her red lips beckon to me in such that I find need to explore,

My heart awakens to her as she allows her areola pink to expose,

I’ve wondered in the darkness when was it her love for me arose,

Too long I’ve lingered in illness when loving her should be shown,

Trapped in a dungeon of pain I have disdain for the pain I own,

Darkness of pain contrasts the beautiful colors that surround her,

When I look at her worrying for me I wonder what I have to offer,

I’ve a small piece of gold that truly seen is a photograph so old,

How can a picture bring the colors of earth alive when in my hold,

I have seen blue skies when the darkest of times were at hand,

When so very ill and beaten although impossible I could stand,

A picture of her may be a sculptor’s desire and dream of fame,

As the sands of time fall through the opening of glass it’s a shame,

Although she ages to become more beautiful to me it saddens me still,

My fingertips softly on her image awakens long ago love and always will,

She is still the photograph from heaven each night when I hold her tight,

The sparkle of her hazel eyes awakens youth of old to feel lover’s delight,

I open my aged eyes to see the beautiful teenage bride that I still adore,

She’s the girl I love as the colors of rose are upon her anatomy once more.

The end.  By Pat for Patti.  I love you.

Will the words I write today bring comfort to you someday,

Know this, my special angel, you are what I lived for each day,

As morning light came to be I knew you’d be smiling at me,

Through the years I failed to say how you made me so happy,

Each night as darkness came I looked forward to holding you,

From you came my happiest moments if you were in my view,

To see you was a pleasure that is impossible for me to explain,

It’s hard to understand how a woman so beautiful wasn’t vain,

Yes I put you on a pedestal, to me there was no other place,

I’ve loved every inch of you from your little body to your face,

You have a little girl cute inside of you that I enjoy holding tight,

For over forty six years it’s been my pleasure to hold you at night,

Pain has had no meaning because your love took the bad away,

It is for you I fought to survive that I could enjoy you every day,

It’s true that we must have the other there can be no other one,

Each day my love for you will grow stronger until my time is done.

The end.  By Pat for Patti, I love you.